And I miss the people, the time, and the rain.
But maybe I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Somewhere where I can spend a week or a month or a year, with people I don’t know who don’t care who I was or will be, just what I am when I’m there.
I want people who don’t ask what my last name is or where I came from. None of that even matters.
I want to stand on a rocky beach in Maine with strangers who can feel my heart soar over the Atlantic Ocean because that’s what theirs’ are doing too. 
I want to be cold. I want to stand in freezing water because things like that remind you that you’re still alive.
I want a moment of peace, a moment where the world feels infinite and minuscule at the same time. 
Eventually, I’ll find that quiet place. 

I just want to cry. I want to not exist and not have to deal with anything. I want to not have feelings like compassion or guilt.

I hope you say no.

And I just love you so much, but where do you end and I begin? I can’t always bring myself down to pick you up. That’s what best friends do, I know, but you’re sobering. You’re so sobering.

I just love you so much, but my heart just skipped and my face just fell, and I thought I was a good enough person, but maybe I’m not.

I think I would have done a lot better if I had gone to high school somewhere like here, not there.

You know that one moment when you realize that things are different?
It’s almost imperceptible sometimes, because the changes are little nothings that add up to big somethings. Then, all of a sudden, you’re driving home in the rain and you realize that everything has changed. You’re changed.
But, we each watch the steady progression of our lives. Rarely do we truly act for or against it. Rarely can we. 
What does a person do to cope with that? My mantra is, “It is what it is,” which is almost just a lazy way of accepting the world, but it works for me - I’m confident in who I am and firmly grasp the philosophies in which I believe. Because of this, I am safe. 

Fuck.
I just want a boy who thinks I’m kickass. One who likes hanging out, but will leave me the fuck alone sometimes. Also, one I can kiss and cuddle with and fuck. And doesn’t say I love you unless he’s damn sure he means it.
Is this unreasonable?